Happy Easter everyone!
This gets me onto my rant for today: holidays.
This isn’t a rant from today, but from the past.
Today was fine. We all got together for dinner at my in-law’s place. En and I were there as way my mother. En’s sister and husband and their two kids came along as well. En’s uncle (mom’s brother) was there as well. We all sat down for dinner which turned out quite good and all seemed to get along just fine.
The rant is about the past. (…and present for some people) The holiday where you need to make an appearance with everyone — because if you don’t visit you obviously don’t love them.
When you’re growing up you have a set of traditions that your parents have. It’s what you you wind up feeling comfortable with. It’s like the big comfy blanket on your bed. It’s home; it’s safe.
Then you meet someone.
Everyone, of course, has different traditions. He/she/they will want to do other things. Sometimes they interleave, sometimes they conflict. Sometimes it’s just way too much.
Here’s my order of priorities in this case:
- My (hypothetical) kids
- Me (my sanity for the most part)
- My partner
- Our collective families and friends
Why put me nearer the top? You can say it’s selfish… Ok. But if I’m insane then that doesn’t do anyone any good.
Everyone has to find fulfillment in life. To put that responsibility on someone else is, in my opinion, too much to ask. You have to look inside for what you need then ask for help as you need it.
Back to the rant though.
I think families should have the courage to do a little letting go for their own kids’ sake. Just because you always did something doesn’t mean that you should force your kids to continue doing that.
Back to the list: give priority to your kids’ decisions even if — especially if — they aren’t exactly what you would have them do. Once your kids are in the position to make those decisions, stop living their lives for them. You focus on you; let them focus on them.
So, to all those that did several Easters today. Or several Thanksgivings of Christmases… think of yourself as well.
If you like doing it — go for it! I’m not telling you not to.
If, however, you get stressed out and your stomach gets all balled up and everything else starts falling apart. Maybe you should consider what’s good for you, your partner and overall sanity.