Here’s what should be inside me:

Here’s what’s in me now (based on what I saw on the X-ray yesterday):

(Excuse the piss-poor photoshop) The angle of the head is wrong; it’s kinda canted up a bit. That’s the problem. That’s what the doctor hopes to fix tomorrow.

BTW: When I was looking at the full pelvic X-ray that had both sides, the difference was rather jarring. I never saw the original at the urgent care so I couldn’t make that determination myself. Based on what I heard from the doctor yesterday, what I did see (yesterday’s X-ray) was consistent with the previous one. There was no change in the situation.

– = –

The more interesting thing is what’s in my head at the moment. That thing is mostly fear. The way I deal with fear is through study and preparation. My normal approach here is useless. (Go ahead and click the link. XKCD is awesome and it makes me smile.)

I know this is a “routine” procedure. At the same time this is fairly big in terms of possible life-changing outcomes. The worse case that I want to think about is a hip replacement. I’m desperately hoping against that. I’m not looking forward to loosing another summer. The thing I keep thinking about is that there really is no such thing as a “minor” surgery — anything can become major.

The way I deal with problems is by taking control of the outcome. In this case I can’t. Control rests with the doctor. Control rested with the doc at the urgent care and he fucked it up which is why I’m in a higher risk category now. I’m not good at letting go of control like this.

On top of all that I have the annoying fact that I have two days to think this over. It would’ve been so much simpler if it happened on Saturday (like it should have) — like ripping off a bandage. Just having something happen is so much easier than being given the opportunity to mull it over.

I’m heading off to the pre-op tests in a couple hours and I guess they’ll tell me then when to show up tomorrow.

Wish me luck!