Yesterday I wrote about registering sex offenders.
Today, let’s try to have a go at solving the problem.
First off, let’s tackle yesterday’s rant. The notion of registering offenders comes from, in very large part, to try to shame them. Shame is one of the problems. Sex is a normal and natural thing. If nothing else the continuation of our species is dependent on it. A step further than that you have to look no further than the internet to realize that seemingly everyone is thinking of it almost all the time.
If you are ashamed of sex you wind up trying to cover things up. This comes to the fore with the vast under-reporting of sex crimes in this country. The rape culture of this country thrives on it.
Next up is victim blaming. In the case in Ohio with the girl that was raped while drunk the entire town ganged up on her afterward for trying to bring the poor boys down. What the hell? This loops right back to shame. If something bad were to happen to you, all it does is make you understand that you should be ashamed of what happened to you.
Same when you hear or rape victims. Most of the time it comes down to what the victim was wearing or some similar line of thought. All for trying to figure out how to blame the victim for having sex.
If you want to start to prevent crimes like this what you need isn’t shame and hiding in the darkness, but to shine a bright light onto the problem. Don’t sweep things under the rug. Don’t try to minimize the problem. Treat the problem for what it is. Don’t teach people how not to get raped, teach people to not rape.
The less shamed we can be of our sexuality will lead to other advantages as well. I hypothesize that many offenders do what they do because they don’t have a legitimate outlet. If everything that they see denigrates whatever happens to be their kink — shaming them into the closet until they blow up.
Couple that with the while misogynistic things that are popping up on Facebook and it shows people that it’s OK to bully people around with sex and that no one cares if they do. How can pages like “Violently Raping Your Friend Just for Laughs” and “Kicking your Girlfriend in the Fanny because she won’t make you a Sandwich” last? What the hell? Certainly all that teaches is that if you happen to be female where you place is.
What we need is non-shameful sex. And non-shaming accounts of sex crimes.
Look at places like Babeland (a local place!) — they are a non-shaming space. Brightly lit. Friendly people. You can walk in without feeling like you’re being judged by neither people working there or the people on the street. It’s the opposite of your typical “porn shop.”
Same thing with kinks. Most (not all, don’t go there, I know) can be fulfilled without resorting to victimizing someone. It just requires the openness and honesty to find the people who want to participate in whatever it is you want to do.
Would that get rid of all sex crimes? No. Some people are just criminals. Laws don’t apply to them. Just let them rot in jail. Will it get rid of some of it? I think so — I think that would be a start.