Ennie, Holly and I were shooting the breeze last night hanging out on the deck behind the house and the concept of jealousy came up.

Jealousy is an interesting notion. In many ways it’s something that is mostly foreign to me. It’s not something I feel. I occasionally feel envy of other people, but not really jealousy in the way that you commonly think of the work. I can’t really explain my that it. It unnerves people though.

What is it anyway?

In terms of relationships it’s a suspicion of someone and their faithfulness. It’s also a sense of protecting what — and who in the case of relationships — you perceive to be yours.

I guess the thing with how I’m wired is that people aren’t something that can be had. It’s something that you don’t have to think about because the concept of “who is yours” isn’t something that is possibility. Everyone is their own person. Everyone makes their own decisions.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t consider others in your own decisions. Those decisions are your own. They can cause problems if you make them wrong. But the responsibility for those choices are owned by you yourself. In many ways this is taking the idea of the now-going-on Burning Man of radical self reliance and applying it to relationships.

If you take the idea that you are protecting, or conversely being protected by, someone the responsibility for those decisions are assumed by the protector. This adds stress to the “protector” and absolves responsibility for the “protected.”

I guess the thought that one isn’t responsible for their own actions is something that I can’t wrap my head around. Conversely trying to control someone is equally foreign to me.

This is something that I guess I need to contemplate further and maybe figure out why this is for me.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah5gAkna3jI]