I was working out this morning on my bike virtually riding around the Czech Republic and listening to a few weeks old edition of the Savage Lovecast.

So, this question involved guns. Dan Savage is a bit against guns. Just a tad. The caller and his girlfriend watched a movie (or something like it) that had a scene of some folks doing the business while shooting guns at the same time.

Dan was saying that even shooting blanks (from the gun, not the gun) could get you killed… maybe a cap gun or something?

I just want to take it a step further than that.

Even with a cap gun, to do things properly you’d need hearing protection. Eye protection would be nice as well.

Now let’s expand to a real gun.

So keep the eye and ear protection. Now you’ll want something covering your skin to protect you from ejected cases (unless, I suppose, you’re using a revolver). Hot brass on skin is not comfortable. What about the bullet? Even if you shoot up you’re violating one of the rules of gun safety: know your backstop. A bullet going up is going to come down… somewhere. And with enough force to cause damage.

Let’s not even get into the fact that you’re not really thinking about guns when you’re having sex. You’re, well, thinking of sex. Guns are a tool, not a toy. Sure, you can have fun with tools, but they’re still not toys. (Take my oscilloscope for instance, I have fun with it, but it’s not a toy)

Maybe get a squirt gun.

I heard the question and it was all I could do to now yell at the caller from two weeks ago.

Oy.

All of the misconceptions. All of the danger. All of the stupid.