Ahh… the fourth of the “secrets” series. heh. Figures I was harping on this for just the while now.
It feels so nice to have divested myself of that secret. I feel emotionally lighter.
I guess this loops back to what is the cost of keeping a secret? As you go through life you have to be constantly on guard about divulging it. You wind up compartmentalizing ideas and people and building up walls.
Each of those walls requires maintenance lest they fall over.
Then you have to think about what if they fall over? Or hell, that you took it down yourself?
I’m not good with compartments. I’m not good with secrets (I keep other’s secrets just fine, I don’t like to keep my own as much). They take too much effort and get in the way of me being me.
I kept coming back to the well on the secrets once every year or two. I didn’t spill the beans until now. The way I can think about this is that the ideas in me kept trying to bubble out and that’s as far as I would let them go.
This time, with events as they unfolded, I couldn’t stop them from bubbling over the edge.