Amazon has done a job of trying to lose me as a customer.

En ordered an outdoor grill table: (No, don’t buy this, it’s crap)

It arrived earlier in the week and I got the assembling the flatpack this morning.

I got most of the way snapping it together when I got to the problem point: the top table was bent. The problem is that it snaps together and doesn’t snap apart. En called Amazon’s customer service. We can’t take it apart without destroying it. We don’t have a box big enough to ship an assembled table.

“Wrap it in kitchen plastic.”

The fuck?

“But if it arrives scratched we’ll have to charge you.”

What the serious fuck?! If I wrap it in Saran Wrap and slap a waybill on it would wind up destroyed.

After half an hour of going back and forth with both the original CSR and then his supervisor, I gave up.

I forced the table back in the box.

Yes, it broke in the disassembly and packing process as I told them it would.

It turns out that it’s also cheap polystyrene.

This was the worst customer service experience of my life I think. Ever.

I’m also quite disinclined to shop at Amazon, honestly. I’m actually considering dropping my Prime membership after almost a decade.