Relationship Deal Breakers
[Editor's note: this has nothing at all to do with the transactions going on with houses! This will be clear upon reading, but wanted to draw extra attention to this fact!]Back in Cleveland we had a group of friends that got together each month at a coffee-shop to talk about general issues we saw around us. Some of these were relationship issues. Subsequent to getting together for dinner and coffee, we would head over to the local bar and clean up at trivia. Not to toot my own horn too much, but we frickin' rocked. This was today's topic... of course me and Ennie were here so I couldn't chime in.Now that the table's been set... (kind-of at least, forgive the vagueness) let me dive in.Everyone, except for hermits, is in relationships. A relationship can span the gamut between the barista behind the counter that get you a cup of coffee each morning to the person you've gotten married to. And everything in between. Hell, the continuum continues beyond the "end"-points I've set up there.Managing the relationship with the guy or girl by the espresso machine is relative easy as long as you tip well enough. It's when things get more person that it becomes more complicated. Everyone has things they can deal with; conversely there are things that you absolutely can't.Things that are in the OK column are easy.What of things that aren't?My contention is that neither list is something that you can write down. Maybe, if you're honest enough you can write down everything -- but it'll be valid only for the person you're dealing and at the instant that you're writing it all down.The only thing that you can be honest about is that you need the ability to communicate. Everyone involved must be able to communicate with everyone else involved and everyone must be on even footing when that communication is happening.Sure, there are times when the power balance is different -- be it it could be with a manager at work or with a negotiated power exchange in other relationship styles.Let me move back to the point: when you are communicating, you need honesty and openness. If someone has ulterior motives then strange things might happen. If someone else has power over the relationship then it's even worse since someone else can pull the rug out from under the relationship.The notion of veto power is interesting. A third party can change things with no input from one or both of the people who are interacting. To have someone with that much control is anathema to a well-kept and properly running relationship.I think it all boils down to open and honest communication amongst equals. Equals in footing, equals in control of information.I guess my deal breaker is not having the power to control my own outcome and not to have a say.
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* - Whoa... I have an editor?! WTF? ;-)